Maybe we could be really radical and start measuring our success by whether we have been a good person, a good partner, a good parent, a good employer/employee, a good friend. Do your grown-up children like you? – that is success as a parent!

What does being successful mean? For many people it is about what visible assets and toys they have – the flash house, whether it has a swimming pool or games room, the new car, the boat, the ski trips, the holidays overseas. Then there are the less visible but still materialistic things, the shares, how many directorships or other status positions they hold.

 However, all of these things can disappear overnight. All it needs is for a natural catastrophe or the financial market to crash and then what happens to success?

I see success as being more personal and measurable in terms of how strong your personal relationships are with family, friends and colleagues.

Do people like you? Do they want to hang out with you because they like...

In recent years I have noticed an increasing number of people seeking help for anxiety, and this seems to be, not only in Christchurch where it might be expected to some extent, but also a national phenomenom. Why is this? What is happening that we are becoming a nation of persistent worriers.

One reason might well be that every day, in the papers and on TV, we are confronted with graphic descriptions and pictures of disasters, wars, terrorist attacks, death and mayhem on the roads. We are constantly being warned by politicians that unless we agree to more and more restrictive and controlling policies, we are at risk from terrorists, hackers, predators, fraudsters etc.

Of course, bad things do happen in the world and we do need...

There is a lot written about stress and how damaging it is for us – that it causes all sorts of health problems, eg. high blood pressure, heart attacks, ulcers etc. and affects how we feel about ourselves. We spend a lot of time worrying about how much stress we are under and how to eliminate it from our lives, completely forgetting that the worrying about it doesn’t eliminate it and, in fact, adds to the problem.

The truth is, that stress is just an ordinary part of life. Everybody has stress in their lives. A moderate amount of stress is generally good for us. To eliminate it would be hugely destructive. We need to feel challenged and stretched so that we can reach and live up to our potential. This is how athletes become worl...

How many people remember first discovering that they or their partner were expecting a child? I’ll bet that whether you felt ready or not for this, that you expected to be a good parent and that you would find it a relatively simple thing to do, or even that it would be easy – I know I did!

The truth is that parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, and one that we go into with little or no training. I grew up as the oldest daughter in a large family and was well practised at changing nappies, bathing babies, cooking meals etc, so I expected it to be a breeze and that I would be totally fulfilled.

And then the reality was there. I suddenly became scared that I wouldn’t know what to do – how would I know what was...

So, you recognise that what is happening to you is bullying. Now, what can you do about it?

The first and most important thing to do, is to gather together the history of what has happened and to document it as fully as you can, with dates, times, who did it, who it was done to, and who else was a witness to it. Everything needs to be listed, even the stuff that seems really petty. Dozens of small pinpricks can create a large sore. The accumulation of small insults has a huge impact on self-esteem and work performance. Once you have written this out, then you add to it as things happen. This is the basis for any further action you take. Just writing all this out will have an impact on you. You have taken some action and are no l...

Mistakes happen. We all make them. Everyone, regardless of race, creed, gender, age, education, wealth, or any other factor you can think of, makes them. In every relationship, both parties make some mistakes from time to time. Some mistakes are big, some are small. Some can be fixed, some can’t. Most, even huge ones, can be forgiven eventually. It’s what happens after the mistake is made that is the deciding factor.

The person who has made the mistake has to deal with different feelings  and has different tasks from the person who has been on the receiving end of the mistake. This is important to remember, as often this is the time when communication is most difficult, and frequently both parties feel that the other has not hea...

We grow up believing that when we are no longer children, that we will meet the person of our dreams and live together happily ever after, as if that just happens by magic. Well, that’s just a myth, a fairy tale. Nobody ever tells us that relationships need to be looked after and worked at, just as our cars, our houses, and our gardens need to be tended and fixed occasionally if we want them to function at their best.

All relationships work best if they are two way streets – if there is some recognisable benefit in it for both parties, and if both parties work equally at making it mutually beneficial. This is true of all relationships whether they are between sexual partners, friends, colleagues, siblings, parents and children,...